I'm not entirely certain how many people discuss this sort of thing, but having just returned from a year abroad I cannot stress enough the importance of company in the process of recovery. The frustration of feeling unable to express myself linguistically, despite several kind ears and open minds, is self-exacerbating and ultimately detrimental, developing into an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. It is ridiculous that this should manifest itself through eating habits, which is why I often have a go at myself for what I consider to be almost akin to religious fundamentalism; an absurd irrationality that denies me basic comfort and, to put it mildly, pisses off the people around me.
I suppose what I'm trying to gain from this is your understanding that an eating disorder isn't always flat-out denial or an "I'm-fat-can't-eat" starvation mentality propagated by The Media (a more and more slippery term these days), but often a permanent inner conflict that can only begin to be quelled by companionship and, yes really, platonic love.
So my upcoming trip to China has been a bit of a gamble decision-wise. I am still in recovery (put on 5 kilos since my lowest point in November, though despite common assumptions the physical difference is not the be-all and end-all) and I hope that being away from home again won't induce a relapse. Of course this sounds retarded: how can I hope for something I should have full control over? Even I don't get it.
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this spiel, I'd advise above all to embundle yourself or the person concerned with Home: friends, books, childhood, nature, small comforts. And not to leave it until sanity is fully restored, regardless of how long it takes. Perhaps I should follow my own advice, but I've never been good at that, and besides, seeing the world takes precedence over a pitiful psycho-miscorrection. Time can only tell.
