So I’m
still the same, sorry.
I finally
got to see the dietician, who, after telling me about what is likely to happen
if I don’t gain weight (osteoporosis and an incomplete university career) gave me what
is essentially a list of what to eat. I was ecstatic because after virtually
shitting myself over what I’d just been told, I needed someone to lay down some
rules, plus I got to play with some preschool-esque plastic veg and carbs.
These eating guidelines became my sanctum. Until I got lazy again.
Lazy because
actually something as simple as eating more and increasing portion size is a
monumental effort, like fighting Goliath every day. I just ran out of rocks.
Back in
Southampton.
My family
are essentially on tenterhooks, how the hell am I going to cope etc. Gladys
said it felt like leaving a toddler out in the Amazon to fend for itself
(except toddlers are generally chubby). I got referred a couple of times and was
sent to yet another assessment, this time in the Southampton ED service (“April
House”). They had a last minute cancellation so rather than waiting 3 weeks I
was allowed to dash over the same morning I called, power-walking the hour’s
distance in true anorexic style (there’s no direct bus service).
I was asked
to fill in about a million forms which included those lurid psychoanalytical Yank statements to which you like, totally agree or not at all. “Since I am so
superior, I am entitled to special treatment and privileges”, “I am needy and
weak”, “People will get me if I don’t get them first”. Your ‘score’ is then
totted up so that hey ho, you’re an NHS priority or hard luck, try again next
time. I also had to tell the lady my life story in an effort to pinpoint when I
started malfunctioning. This cheerful discussion taking place, ironically, on my first love’s birthday. I’ll get my verdict in a week or so, and if I am
considered a real menace, I can be put on a six month waiting list for
treatment.
Until then,
I probably will keep eating my bananas in halves and counting my potato wedges.
Because I’m lazy like that.
